Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.
{The last photo I have of my toddler nursing six months before he weaned}
My son nursed to sleep for his nap on Friday March 9th -- I was 16 weeks pregnant.
He snuggled up close to me and I took a deep breath to the ease the pain of his
latch. I watched his lashes flutter as he found sleep and comfort at my
breast. That was the last time my
firstborn nursed and I am thankful that I was ever-present in those
moments. Writing this down makes the end
so real and I find myself replaying the memories that I have of him nestled at
my chest from infancy well into toddlerhood.
Nursing was by no means
easy
for us. It took my son 11 weeks to latch on his own, he was prone to
nursing strikes and biting while teeth were coming in and he was very picky
about when and where he had his
“baby milk.” But,
I can honestly say that nursing my son was the most beautiful dance I’ve ever
danced. It helped me build confidence as
a mother, find
peace
in sorrowful days and develop a
lasting bond with my child that continues long after the milk is gone.
When I first discovered I was pregnant, my son was still
nursing four times a day. I quickly
developed nipple sensitivity and each latch required a few deep breaths and a wince. When I was seven weeks pregnant we went on
vacation and my son nursed around the clock. I was incredibly nauseous and his
cries for milk made me equal parts enraged and exhausted. I don’t think I have
ever been that tired in my entire life. Upon returning home from our trip, I
considered weaning him. I felt that
every ounce of energy I had left was being drained by nursing and with his
second birthday approaching I knew he would adjust.
And then I actually
pictured a day where he and I weren’t nursing anymore and it brought me to
tears. No matter how hard these moments
were, I decided to stick with my plan to let him decide when he was ready to be
done, even if that meant continuing to nurse him alongside an infant.
It did get a little
better. We established some ground rules
for him not to talk while nursing and if I counted to ten it was a warning to
be done with that session. Sometimes he would ask to count to ten first. As
each week passed, his interest in nursing became less and less. Upon waking he would ask for cereal instead
of milk. If my husband was around he would rather play with his Daddy than
nurse out of boredom. There was always naptime; his favorite time of the day
where he would climb into my lap and nurse until he was sound asleep. Sometimes
it took two minutes, sometimes thirty. There were days that after the sting of the initial latch I would rock
and soak in how beautiful it was to have this connection with him. And then
there were days when the entire session was so irritating that tears streamed
down my cheeks as I tried sit still and quiet until he was asleep enough for me
to run out of the room.
As he showed less interest in nursing, I began to be
overwhelmed with guilt. I felt that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant he would still
be happily nursing and while I’m overjoyed to be with child, it was hard to let
go. One of my friends from La Leche
League helped me put it into perspective by saying,
“This is your first step in mothering two children. There will be many
more times that your first born doesn’t get exactly what he wants because you
are tending to the other child. He’s becoming a big brother; he just doesn’t
know it yet.”
The times I offered and he refused were just as frequent as
the time he would ask and I’d distract him. I honestly can’t tell you if I
weaned him or if he weaned me and maybe that’s why my heart is at peace. Maybe
that is exactly how our dance was supposed to end. I don’t know how I knew it would be our last
time. Perhaps because he hadn’t asked in two days and I was very aware of him
climbing into my lap again or maybe it was because more than anything, I wanted
to remember. A mother of four once told
me that she had happily nursed all of her children into toddlerhood and when
she looks down the only child she can ever picture at her breast, is the last
one. Not being able to look down and see
my firstborn is a crushing thought but knowing there will be another new life
looking up at me very soon makes me grateful.
MOTHER:
And the child grew up, and was
weaned, and Abraham held a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned
(Genesis 21:8)
Vayigdal ha-yeled vayigamal
vaya'as Avraham mishteh gadol b'yom higamel et Yitzhak.
Blessed are You, God, Ruler of
the Universe, who has made me a woman.
Barukh atah Adonai Eloheynu
melekh ha-olam she'asani isha.
Blessed are You, God, Ruler of
the Universe, who has enabled me to nurse.
Barukh atah Adonai Eloheynu
melekh ha-olam she-natan li l'haynik.
FATHER:
Blessed are You, God, Ruler of
the Universe, who has sustained us and preserved us and brought us to this
occasion.
TOGETHER:
Barukh atah Adonai Eloheynu
melekh ha-olam shehecheyanu v'kiyamanu v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh.
Just
as Abraham and Sarah rejoiced at the weaning of
their son Isaac, our hearts
too, are glad that our son has grown into childhood, sustained in good health
by God's precious gift of milk.
Blessed are you, God, ruler of the universe who has
enabled parents to rejoice in their children.
We,
in love, continue to give sustenance to this child and provide for his physical
needs. May we provide also spiritual sustenance through examples of
lovingkindness, and through the teaching of the Torah and the traditions
of our people.
I think most of the
words were lost on my sweet boy as he happily munched his challah, but I took
it in with faith and tears, enough for the both of us.
I don’t believe that at 24 months old my son
is a “big boy” who doesn’t need his milk or his Mama anymore. The truth is, he
is still very much a baby and needs my comfort and reassurance now more than
ever. He still climbs into the rocking
chair for his nap but instead of nursing he tucks his head up under my chin
where the skin of his cheek can become one with my chest, and he sleeps. For the two of us, the milk was only the
beginning. A beautiful beginning.
Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting. Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):
- On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
- two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
- Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
- You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch... — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
- A Post Called Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
- On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
- half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
- Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
- Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
- Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning - on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she'll be posting this week.
- Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
- When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
- On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
- Our Weaning Story - Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn't always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter's sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
- A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
- She Doesn't Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
- It's The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
- A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
- Child-Led weaning: It's Not Extreme; It's Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
- 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.
- Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
- Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened and yet equally gentle in its approach.
- Weaning Aversion' — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced 'feeding aversion'.
- Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughts On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma's evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
- Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
- Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn's super power is diminishing.
- Reflections on Weaning - Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
- Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
- Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer's Daughter.
- 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
- Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
- I thought about weaning... — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
- Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
- Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
- Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
- Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn't have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
- Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
- Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
- Breastfeeding: If there's one thing I know for sure... — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it's time to wean?
- Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.
